29 July 2009

Something To Laugh About..

Got this not long ago from hubby.. really funny.. a Japanese game show.. Try watch it yourself and try not to laugh..You dare to take the challenge?..




And this one I got it from dear friend last night.. Something to laugh about.. Sure you’ll laugh but I wonder how this old man can still relaxed himself after the incident.. :)




Laughter The Best Medicine..

Have a FUN day.. :)

27 July 2009

The Moment You Are In Tension

The moment you are in Tension

You will lose your Attention

Then you are in total Confusion

And you will feel Irritation

Then you will spoil personal Relation

Ultimately, you won’t get Co-operation

This will result Complication

Then your blood pressure may raise Caution

And you may have to take Medication

Instead, understand the Situation

And try to think about the Solution

Many problems will be solved by Discussion

This will work out better in your Profession

Don’t think it’s my Suggestion

It’s only for your Prevention

If you understand my Intention

You will never come again to Tension..

--Bill Gates.

24 July 2009

Friday is Here..

It’s Friday..and it’s the day that I waited for every week.. I think some of my friends especially my Facebook friends knew what would I up to on Friday. As usual my heart is beating happily as Friday now is here.. Thanks God It’s Friday.. :)

So what would I do today..what are my plan for today?.. Nothing much actually..The first thing is of course to meet my dearest hubby..and Friday is the beginning of weekend mood. Yeay!!.. weekend is coming and I still can’t wait.. hehe...

So what are you up to today?.. Any great things to do?.. How about coming weekend?.. After being tired and sick about weekday’s task, why don’t you give yourself a reward by hanging out with some friends or your beloved ones. Going somewhere else, take the best place to eat.. Hmm.. Thanks God for this life.. We live just once and should treasure it..

So, my dear readers..Hope you have a great weekend.. Enjoy it to the fullest.. :)

23 July 2009

When Is The Ending?

When the whole world is so amazed by the solar eclipse event and being afraid about the rumor of tsunami might occur again, they forgot about the current situation that seem will not fade at all. And I am still asking myself.. When will this virus be vanished forever?.. As I watched the “Buletin Utama TV3” last night, the news depicted about the Virus Influenza A (H1N1) which are now spreading in UitM, Permatang Pauh, Penang. Yes..it was my campus where I used to study.. The campus is now being closed for about 7 days due to the virus. It’s because of 10 students were found positive with that virus as they noticed the symptoms are similar. I am so shocked with that news.. Another campus also being closed. It’s the UitM campus in Perak where there are about 80 students also being infected with this virus.

I don’t know what the government of Malaysia will do about this. I thought the situation now is ok and the news about this virus seems to slow down lately. So why is this virus news appear again?.. Why there’s seem no ending as the number of infected peoples seem to rise and rise again.. Honestly, I am really afraid about this issue. Eventhough they claim that there are vaccines for this virus already, but who knows.. As the Malay aphorism said “Malang Tidak Berbau”.. , an accident or an unfortunate mishap didn’t have smell. It means that we wouldn’t know when is bad luck will occur sharply.. The thing that I am really afraid is.. we wouldn’t know if the virus would mutate from its own state. So it is better to prevent from being infected because once it’s mutated, it would take a long period to find the particular vaccine again.

Therefore, dear readers out there, please take full precaution of yourselves from being infected. Follow the rules, follow all the instructions..Try to avoid this as much as possible. Don’t take things for granted.. We can’t predict future..

22 July 2009

Solar Eclipse

KUALA LUMPUR: Malaysian astronomers and amateur stargazers will probably be disappointed as “the eclipse of the 21st century” may turn out to be a non-event. Malaysia is expected to experience just a partial solar eclipse from 8am to 10am today. “It really depends on the weather,” said National Planetarium science officer Fazilah Mohammad Hanafiah.

Today’s weather forecast looks depressing with thunderstorms predicted over most parts of Malaysia in the morning except in Sarawak, but folks there will only experience about two per cent of the eclipse.
“People living up north such as in Perlis, Kedah and Terengganu will definitely see more of the eclipse compared to areas like Johor,” she said.

Fazilah added that only five per cent of the eclipse would be visible in Johor whereas it would be 18% in Perlis and 8% in the Klang Valley.

Meanwhile, 800 students will attend an eclipse viewing at Pantai Kuala Ibai in Terengganu organised by the Jabatan Mufti Terengganu, Jabatan Ukur dan Pemetaan Terengganu and Universiti Darul Iman Malaysia.

Eclipses used to be ill omens but Chinese astrology expert Joey Yap views it as a period of change in modern times.

“People are always uncomfortable with change,” he said. “However, I personally would stay indoors during the eclipse because it could affect you in terms of financial, health or domestic issues,” he said.

Yap added that the six minutes and 39 seconds of the eclipse may result in six weeks or six months of misfortune. Indian Vasthu Sastra Master Yuvaraj Sowma from Chennai urged pregnant women and senior citizens to be extra careful and not to consume food or drink during the eclipse.

source,
http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2009/7/22/nation/4366995&sec=nation

Stella says:
True, we did waited for the solar eclipse this morning but ended with disappointment because we didn't even see it at all.. Perhaps in other country could see it.. but never mind.. It's not a big deal for me.. :D


Job Vacancy..

Want to find a job?.. There’re various job vacancies now in UMS. Try this..who knows..Maybe you are among those who are lucky.. Good Luck.. Have a great day.. :)

click on the pic to see large view or
further information browse at www.ums.edu.my.

21 July 2009

Can't Wait Weekend..

It’s Tuesday and I can’t wait for weekend to come. This weekend I have plenty things to do. Plus my L class also will occur this Sunday. As myself counting days everyday, it feels like time running so slow, although we are now in the past mid July already and in 10 days we gonna be in new month again, entering August. Time flies so fast and it’s not as I imagined.. Sometime I feel it runs slow yet it's fast actually. Yes, I do believe and feel that weekend fly so fast because we only have 2 days for weekend. Yes they are Saturday and Sunday. Feels like 2 days for weekend not really enough for me. I think if my dearest hubby be transferred to KK, I’ll not in the state of being always counting and counting days for weekend hehe.. It’s the fact that we are far from each other and will spend our time together only on weekend, that brings me to become the “counter” of days hahaha.. well.. what to do kan.. :P

As I said before, I have plenty things to do this weekend. Actually it’s not only me, but includes the whole family. My mom and dad will celebrate their birthday this weekend. Yes I arrange for it.. We planned it to be celebrated on the same day as their birthdates differ only for about 2 days. Will celebrate it this coming Sunday. I’ll buy a cake and we agreed to celebrate it at Grace Point, Sembulan. I am happy about this..excited and can’t wait. I readied gifts for them..Yes, hope they’ll like it.. :)

Another happy thing that I would like to share is.. this year my dad will enter his 56 yrs old and.......it’s the retirement year for him. CONGRATSSS Dad..!!!.. Definitely, I’ll send my deepest congratulation to him.. Yes, deeply happy for him because finally he retires and can take a rest. Maybe he waited this for so long and that is why we wanted to celebrate this to warm his heart and....of course to let he know that we’re really care.... and LOVE him.. :D

Thanks to God for giving me a happy family.. May mom and dad have a long life and be blessed by Your Grace. Amen.

20 July 2009

Sabahan Version..

I got this clip from my hubby few days ago.. This is a few part from the 300 film but they turned it into Sabahan version. It’s so funny and I will laugh and laugh again whenever I watched this clip.. Just wanted to share it for those who didn’t see this yet. Especially for Sabahan..

Have a nice day..

Laughter the best medicine.. :)

video


Everlasting Father

Yesterday, i went to church with dear hubby..and as I listened to this song.. My heart was so touched.. Really love this song. The lyric is simple but it's so meaningful..




Bapa Yang kekal

Kasih yang sempurna
telah ku terima dari Mu
bukan karna kebaikan ku
hanya oleh kasih karunia Mu
Kau pulihkan aku,
layakkanku tuk dapat memanggilMu Bapa

Kau b’ri yang kupinta
saat kumencari kumendapatkan
ku ketuk pintuMu
dan Kau bukakan
s’bab Kau Bapaku
Bapa yang kekal

Tak kan Kau biarkan
aku melangkah hanya sendirian
Kau selalu ada di hatiku
s’bab Kau Bapaku
Bapa yang kekal


Everlasting Father (English Translation)

The perfect Love
I had received from You
It’s not because of my kindness
It just because of Your Love ability ..
You healed me..
It deserved me to call You Father..

You give me what I asked
In moment of searching I will received
I knocked Your door
And You opened it
Because You are my father..
An everlasting Father..

You will not forsaken me
For me to walk alone
You are always in my heart
Because You are my Father
An everlasting Father..

* I translated the lyric to English. It might not perfect, but I hope you'll get the meaning. Thanks..

Have a great week.. God bless.. :)

17 July 2009

Marriage, Is Love Enough?..





I found this article few days ago.. Feel like to share it with you dear readers. Love is a wonderful thing yet need commitment and scarifice. Marriage can grow blissfully and last through Love..
but is Love enough to preserve your marriage?..

According to this article, a study finds out that Love itself is not enough to keep a marriage.. In a marriage or a relationship, it should be more than Love..and it could be another factor that would likely to support the relationship between two individuals. This article depicted the study about the main factor that will lead to the ruinous of a marriage or a relationship..

Here is the article..

SYDNEY (Reuters Life!) – Living happily ever after needn't only be for fairy tales. Australian researchers have identified what it takes to keep a couple together, and it's a lot more than just being in love. A couple's age, previous relationships and even whether they smoke or not are factors that influence whether their marriage is going to last, according to a study by researchers from the Australian National University.

The study, entitled "What's Love Got to Do With It," tracked nearly 2,500 couples -- married or living together -- from 2001 to 2007 to identify factors associated with those who remained together compared with those who divorced or separated. It found that a husband who is nine or more years older than his wife is twice as likely to get divorced, as are husbands who get married before they turn 25.

Children also influence the longevity of a marriage or relationship, with one-fifth of couples who have kids before marriage -- either from a previous relationship or in the same relationship -- having separated compared to just nine percent of couples without children born before marriage.

Women who want children much more than their partners are also more likely to get a divorce. A couple's parents also have a role to play in their own relationship, with the study showing some 16 percent of men and women whose parents ever separated or divorced experienced marital separation themselves compared to 10 percent for those whose parents did not separate.

Also, partners who are on their second or third marriage are 90 percent more likely to separate than spouses who are both in their first marriage. Not surprisingly, money also plays a role, with up to 16 percent of respondents who indicated they were poor or where the husband -- not the wife -- was unemployed saying they had separated, compared with only nine percent of couples with healthy finances.

And couples where one partner, and not the other, smokes are also more likely to have a relationship that ends in failure. Factors found to not significantly affect separation risk included the number and age of children born to a married couple, the wife's employment status and the number of years the couple had been employed.

The study was jointly written by Dr Rebecca Kippen and Professor Bruce Chapman from The Australian National University, and Dr Peng Yu from the Department of Families, Housing, Community Services and Indigenous Affairs.




So, what's your opinion?.. is Love itself enough for a marriage or a relationship?.. For me, Love is very important in a relationship..without Love, a relationship can't be success and a mutual understanding between two individuals also play an important role for a relationship to grow stronger and last..


15 July 2009

Speak Your Mind



I got this sms from my colleague few days ago. I thought it would be best to share it with you all dear friends.

“ Pls go to Tun Mahathir’s blog & VOTE whether you want teaching of Science and Maths in English.
Tun is strongly supporting English and is willing to convey your message to the Government.
Sp, pls go to
http://chedet.co.cc/chedetblog/ and speak your mind.
Strike while the iron’s hot!
Do it today for the sakes of our kids.! TQ.
Pls pass this message to as many people as possible. We need support. "
So..what do you think...??.. Speak your mind..
Have a great day ahead.. :)

14 July 2009

Jasmine Tea

Hello dear readers,

Today, I took Jasmine Tea during tea time in the evening. I used to drink Milo during tea time and since Milo is finished and all I found in office was just a box of Jasmine tea , I tried it. There are nescafe too in office, but i am not really into it and i didn't take it for many years already because I am afraid that it will give bad impact for my gastric ulcer. I got a cup of Jasmine tea in nice lukewarm water and it did really made my day. Since I took this tea today, I did my work with calm and without feeling sleepy.. I wonder what Jasmine tea is and what its benefit. So, I did a quick search on the internet and here are the results..


Jasmine Flower

Jasmine Tea is a famous tea made from Green or Pouchong (Chinese Green) tea leaves that are scented with jasmine flowers. The jasmine flowers are harvested during the day and stored in a cool place until night. During the night, the flowers bloom with full fragrance. The flowers are layered over the tea leaves during the scenting process. The quality of Jasmine tea is determined by the quality of green tea used as its base and the effectiveness of the scenting..

Jasmine tea

Jasmine Tea has been known to act as a gentle sedative when drank. Jasmine by itself is also known to be a gentle remedy for inflammation. When combined with green tea, black tea, oolong tea and white tea, the resultant jasmine tea is infused with polyphenols with antioxidants that contribute to the following benefits;

Wahh... i didn't know Jasmine tea can help reduce fat and body weight. Perhaps i should buy it from now for myself. Well, I find this Jasmine tea contribute many positive side on our health. So, why don't you invest a little bit to have this tea for your own good health.

Have a great day.. Keep up healthy lifestyle.. :)

13 July 2009

Keep Your Brains Healthy


Get plenty of sleep can give positive impact on your brain health.

I read this health and beauty magazine for the march issue. Actually i found this magazine been laying at the table in office for months already. So, i borrowed it and read. There is one interesting article i would like to share with you my dear readers. It's about the healthy of brain. Maybe some of the tips can bring a relieve for your brain, body and soul as well. Research done by Alliance for Aging research team depicted that by keeping your brains healthy, it can lessens and prevent the cognitive decline that often comes with aging. They suggested 10 steps to improve our brain health.

Here are they:

1. Get a Brain-Healthy Diet
Keep your diet rich in Omega-3 fatty acids, protein, antioxidants, fruits, vegetables and vitamin B; low in trans fat and an appropriate level of carbohydrates.

2. Stay Mentally Active
Take up new or challenging activities such as learning a new language, working on crossword puzzles and learning how to dance can challenge your mind.

3. Exercise Regularly
Increasing blood circulation and improving coordination by exercising regularly helps prevent condition that increase the risk of dementia such as heart disease, stroke and diabetes.

4. Get Plenty of Sleep
Not getting enough sleep can have a negative impact on brain health.

5. Stay Active Socially
Spending time with friends,volunteering and travelling can keep your mind active.

6. Manage Stress Well
Participating in yoga, resting, reading, spending time with friends or doing other stress-relieving activities can help preserve your ability to remember and learn.

7. Avoid Unhealthy Habits
Unhealthy habits such as SMOKING, HEAVY DRINKING and use of RECREATIONAL DRUGS can increase the risk of dementia and cognitive decline.

8. Prevent Brain Injury
Wear protective head gear and seat belts to avoid injury.

9. Consider Your Genes
If your family history puts you at risk for developing dementia, work with your doctor to find ways to maintain your brain health to help avoid or slow the progression of cognitive decline.

10.Control Other Health Condition
Maintaining a healthy weight, eating well-balanced and nutritious diet and managing stress can help reduce the risk of disease that can affect your brain.

# brain health tips from March 2007 issue Health and Beauty magazine.


11 July 2009

Once A Week



Some thoughts that may change your life. It's worth to read.. Just like to share them with you what I found in my inbox today..

This is something we should all read at least once a week.. You may copy these, print it and paste it somewhere in your bedroom.. :)

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio.
" To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more: "

1. Life isn't fair,but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it..

9.
Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate,resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others.You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret,you shouldn't be in it.

15.
Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful,beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you, really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25.
No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words'In five years, will this matter?

27. Always choose life.

28.
Forgive everyone, everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30.
Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32.
Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34.
God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41.
Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come.

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

09 July 2009

40 Things In Life



This is what I received from a friend of mine through email not long ago.. A package of life article that we should think of. Health, personality, society and life.. So how you gonna make these things in right manner, I mean in its rightful path.. People always complaining about their stressful life, however I’m pretty sure there must be a way for us to think of the best way to provide the great and suitable way to make our life more beautiful and enjoyable.

Sharing is caring and it’s undeniable that this is one of an incredible way to provide and contribute some lesson and experience to our dear friends and family. As I myself will do the same to my beloved peoples around me.. I really love to share thoughts and experiences.. Here are some advices or I might say some tips for you out there to face this life..Life must goes on..so it’s a must to appreciate your life, your surrounding and beloved one.. Let’s make our eyes and heart open about this.. keep reading.. :)


Health
1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
5. Make time to practice prayer, meditation and yoga..
6. Play more games.
7. Read more books than you did in 2008.
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day. And while you walk, smile.

Personality
11. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake.
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Society
25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything.
28. Spend time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of six.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.


Life
32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come.
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

Last but not the least

40. Please Forward this to everyone you care about.

I did forwarded this 40 THINGS IN LIFE to my dear friends and family.. You’ll lose nothing by sharing these.. Hope you have a great day and enjoyable life.. God bless.. ;)

08 July 2009

Used Vs. Loved



Another touching story that I got tagged from a Facebook friend of mine. I would like to share it to you all dear readers. The important thing is.. the lesson from the story..,the moral of the story.. Sure you won’t have to end up your life just as in this story. However, bear in mind that our life need to be led to the rightful path and by grabbing lesson as such story will keep our life in more precious journey. Keep reading..Thanks.

While a man was polishing his new car, his 4-yr old son picked up a stone and scratched lines on the side of the car. In anger, the man took the child's hand and hit it many times; not realizing he was using a wrench.

At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers due to multiple fractures.When the child saw his father.....with painful eyes he asked, 'Dad when will my fingers grow back?'

The man was so hurt and speechless; he went back to his car and kicked it a lot of times. Devastated by his own actions....sitting in front of that car he looked at the scratches the child had written, 'LOVE YOU DAD'. The next day, that man committed suicide. . .

Anger and Love have no limits; choose the latter to have a beautiful, lovely life..... Things are to be used and people are to be loved. But, the problem in today's world is that, People are used and things are loved...

During this year, let's be careful to keep this thought in mind:
Things are to be used, but People are to be loved ... Be yourself.. This is the only day we HAVE.


First Award



I received award from Nancy. It's my 1st award.. Thanks a lot Nancy.. Sure you are my 100% true supporter too.. Blogging is my passion lately and i do love to read blogs from my circle of friends and others too. I really appreciate this and for those who are always visiting my blog, you are really my true supporter too... You know who You are. God bless.

07 July 2009

Rest In Peace MJ



His memorial service will be conducted today.. According to online news, many other biggest names in pop music are expected to take part in the memorial service, such as Stevie Wonder, Smokey Robinson, Mariah Carey, Usher, Lionel Richie, Jennifer Hudson and John Mayer. Civil rights leader Al Sharpton and Martin Luther King III, and basketball stars Magic Johnson and Kobe Bryant are also expected to attend..

REST IN PEACE MJ.. your music will alive forever.. you'll be missed..
The greatest entertainer ever..

06 July 2009

Husband and Wife..


A facebook friend of mine tagged me in one of her note. This is a very sad story..a touching story..yet gives much lesson to us. We should know what is the best thing in life.. What is the best thing to do towards our loved ones.. I am not sure whether this is really a true story..., but one thing I know that don’t take things for granted and communication is the most important in a relationship.

Here , I share with you the story. Take your time to read.. Read carefully and try to understand the moral of the story.

This is for all the single, married, divorced,
widowed individuals, who take life for granted. Please,
read this story until the end, it is such an opener.

You Never Know.........


Just two years after our marriage, hubby brought up the idea of asking Mother to move from the rural hometown and spend her remaining years with us. Hubby's father passed away while he was still very young. Mother endured much hardship and struggled all on her own to provide for him, see him through to a university degree. You could say that she suffered a great deal and did everything you could expect of a woman to bring hubby to where he is today.I immediately agreed and started packing the spare room, which has a balcony facing the South to let her enjoy the sunshine and plant greenery.

Hubby stood in the bright room, and suddenly just picked me up and started spinning round and round. As I begged him to put me down, he said: "Lets go fetch mother."
Hubby is tall and big sized and I love to test on his chest and enjoy the feeling that he could pick me up at any moment put the tiny me into his pockets.Whenever we have an argument and both refuses to back down, he would pick me up and spin me over his head continuously until I surrender and beg for mercy.I became addicted to this kind of panic-joy feeling.

Mother brought along her countryside habits and lifestyle with her. For example; I am so used to buying flowers to decorate the living room, she could not stand it and would comment: "I do not know how you young people spend your money, why do you buy flowers for? You also can't eat flowers!" I smiled and said: "Mum, with flowers in the house, our mood will also become better." Mother continues to grumble away, and hubby smiled: "Mum, this is a city-people's habit; slowly you will get use to it."

Mother stopped saying anything. But every time thereafter, whenever came home with flowers, she would ask me how much it costs. I told her and she would shake her head and express displeasure. Sometimes, when I come home with lots of shopping bags, she would ask each and every item how much they cost, I would tell her honestly and she would get even more upset about it. Hubby playfully pinched my nose and said: "You little fool, just don't tell her the full price of everything would solve it."
There begins the friction to our otherwise happy lifestyle.

Mother hates it most when hubby wakes up early to prepare the breakfast. In your view, how could the man of the house cook for the wife? At the breakfast table, mother facial expression is always like the dark clouds before a thunderstorm and I would pretend not to notice. She would use her chopsticks and make a lot of noise with it as her silent protest.

As I am a dance teacher in the Children's Palace and am exhausted from along day of dancing around, I do not wish to give up the luxury of that additional few minutes in the comfort of my bed and hence I turned a deaf ear to all the protest mother makes. From time to time, mother would help out with some housework, but soon her help created additional work for me. For example: she would keep all kinds of plastic bags accumulating them so that she sell them later on, and resulted in our house being filled with all the trash bags; she would scrimp on dish washing detergent when helping to wash the dishes and so as not to hurt her feelings, I would quietly wash them again.

One day, late at night, mother saw me quietly washing the dishes, and "Bam" she slams her bedroom door and cried very loudly in her room. Hubby was placed in a difficult position, and after that, he did not speak to me for that entire night. I pretended to be a spoilt child, tried acting cute, but he totally ignored me.... I got mad and asked him: "What did I do wrong?" Hubby stared at me and said: "Can't you just give in to her once? We couldn't possibly die eating from a bowl however unclean it is, right?" After that incident, for a long period of time, mother did not speak to me and you can feel that there is a very awkward feeling hanging in the house. During that period of cold war, hubby was caught in dilemma as to who to please.

In order to stop her son from having to prepare breakfast, mother took on the "all important" task of preparing breakfast without any prompting. At the breakfast table, mother would look at hubby happily eating his breakfast and cast that reprimanding stare at me for having failed to perform my duty as a wife. To avoid the embarrassing breakfast situation, I resorted to buying my own breakfast on my way to work. That night, while in bed, hubby was a little upset and asked me: "LD, is it because you think that mum's cooking is not clean that's why you chose not to eat at home?" He then turned his back on me and left me alone in tears as feeling of unfairness overwhelmed me. After some time, hubby sighed: "LD, just for me, can you have breakfast at home?" I am left with no choice but to return to the breakfast table.

The next morning, I was having porridge prepared by mother and I felt a sudden churn in my stomach and everything inside seem to be rushing up my throat. I tried to suppress the urge to throw up but I could not. I threw down the bowl, rushed into the washroom, and vomited everything out. Just as I was catching my breath, I saw mother crying and grumbling very loudly in her dialect, hubby was standing at the washroom doorway staring at me with fire burning in his eyes.. I opened my mouth but no words came out of it, I really did not mean it.

We had our very first big fight that day; mother took a look at us, then stood up and slowly made her way out of the house. Hubby gave me a final stare in the eye and followed mother down the stairs. For three days, hubby did not return home, not even a phone call. I was so furious, since mother arrived; I had been trying my best and putting up with her, what else do you want me to do? For no reason, I keep having the feeling to throw up and I simply have not appetite for food, coupled with all the events happening at home, I was at then low point in my life.

Finally, a colleague said: "LD, you look terrible; you should go and see a doctor." The doctor confirmed that I am pregnant. Now it became clear to me why I threw up that fateful morning, a sense of sadness floated through that otherwise happy news. Why didn't hubby, and mother who had been through this before, thought of the possibility of this being the reason that day? At the hospital entrance, I saw my hubby standing there. It had only been three days, but he looked haggard. I had wanted to turn and leave, but one look at him and my heart soften, I couldn't resist and called out to him.

He followed my voice and finally found me but he pretended that he doesn't know me; he has that disgusted look in his eyes that cut right through my heart. I told myself not to look at him anymore, and hail a cab. At that moment, I have such a strong urge inside me to shout to my hubby: "Darling, I am having your baby!" and have him lift me up and spin me around in circles of joy. What I wanted didn't happen and as I sat in the cab, my tears started rolling down. Why? Why our love couldn't even withstand the test of one fight?

Back home, I lay on the bed thinking about my hubby, and the disgusted look in his eyes. I cried and wet the corner of the blanket. That night, sound of the drawers opening woke me up. I switched on the lights and I saw hubby with tears rolling down his face. He was removing the money. I stared at him in silence; he ignored me, took the bank deposit book and some money and left the house. Maybe he really intends to leave me for good. What a rational man, so clear-cut in love and money matters. I gave a few dried laugh and tears starting streaming down again. The next day, I did not go to work. I wanted to clear this out and have a good talk with hubby. I reached his office and his secretary gave me a weird look and said: "Mr. Tan's mother had a traffic accident and is now in the hospital."
I stood there in shock.

I rushed to the hospital and by the time I found hubby, mother had already passed away. Hubby did not look at me, his face was expressionless. I looked at mother's pale white and thin face and I couldn't control the tears in my eyes. My god, how could this happen? Throughout the funeral, hubby did not say a single word to me, with only the occasional disgusted stare at me. I only managed to find out brief facts about the accident from other people. That day, after mother left the house, she walked in dazed toward the bus stop, apparently intending to go back to her old house back in the countryside. As hubby ran after her, she tried to walk faster and as she tried to cross the street, a public bus came and hit her...I finally understood how much hubby must hate me, if I had not thrown up that morning, if we had not quarreled, if....In his heart, I am indirectly the killer of his mother.

Hubby moved into mother's room and came home every night with a strong liquor smell on him. And me, I am buried under the guilt and self-pity and could hardly breathe. I wanted to explain to him, tell him that we are going to have our baby soon, but each time, I saw the dead look in his eyes, all the words I have at the brink of my mouth just fell back in. I had rather he hit me real hard or give me a big and thorough scolding though none of these events happening had been my fault at all.

Many days of suffocating silence went by and as the days went by, hubby came home later and later. The deadlock between us continues, we were living together like strangers who don't know each other. I am like the dead knot in his heart.

One day, I passed by a western restaurant, looking into the glass window, I saw hubby and a girl sitting facing each other and he very lightly brushed her hair for her, I understood what it meant. After recovering from that moment of shock, I entered the restaurant, stood in front of my hubby and stared hard at him, not a tear in my eyes. I have nothing to say to him, and there is no need to say anything. The girl looked at me, looks at hubby, stands up and wanted to go, hubby stretched out his hand and stopped her. He stared back at me,challenging me. I can only hear my slow heart beat, beating, one by one as if at the brink of death. I eventually backed down, if I had stood that any longer, I will collapse together with the baby inside me.

That night, he did not come home; he had chosen to use that as a way to indicate to me: Following mother's death so did our love for each other.
He did not come home anymore after that. Sometimes, when I returned home from work, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched - he had returned to take some of his stuff. I no longer wish to call him; the initial desire to explain everything to him vanished. I lived alone; I go for my medical checkups alone, my heart breaks again and again every time I see a guy carefully helping his wife through the physical examination. My office colleagues hinted to me to consider aborting the baby, I told them No, I will not.. I insisted on having to this baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying mother for causing her death.

One day, I came home and I saw hubby sitting in the living room. The whole house was filled with cigarette smoke. On the coffee table, there was this piece of paper. I know what it is all about without even looking at it. In the two months plus of living alone, I have gradually learned to find peace within myself. I looked at him, removed my hat and said: "You wait a while, I will sign." He looked at me, mixed feelings in his eyes, just like mine.

As I hang up my coat, I keep repeating to myself "You cannot cry, you cannot cry...." my eyes hurt terribly, but I refused to let tears come out from there. After I hung up my coat, hubby's eyes stared fixed at my bulging tummy. I smiled, walked over to the coffee table and pulled the paper towards me. Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and pushed the paper to him. "LD, are you pregnant?" Since mother's accident, this is the first time he spoke to me. I could not control my tears any further and they fell like raindrops. I said: "Yes, but its ok, you can leave now." He did not go, in the dark, we sat, facing each other. Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears wet the blanket. In my heart, everything seems so far away, so far that even if I sprint, I could never reach them. I cannot remember how many times he repeated "sorry" to me. I had originally thought that I would forgive him, but now I can't. In the western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold look in his eyes, I will never forget, ever. We have drawn such deep scars in each other's heart. For me, it's unintentional; for him, totally intentional. I had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but I realized now, what had gone past is gone forever and could not repeated.

Other than the thought of the baby inside me that would bring some warmth to my heart, I am totally cold towards him, I no longer eat anything he buys for me, I don't take any presents from him and I stopped talking to him. From the moment I signed on that piece of paper, marriage and love had vanished from my heart. Sometimes, hubby will try to come into the bedroom, but when he walks in, I will walk out to the living room. He had no choice but to sleep in mother's room. At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of groaning, I kept quiet. This used to be his trick; last time, whenever I ignore him, he would fake illness and I will surrender and find out what is wrong with him, he would then grab me and laugh. He has forgotten that last time I cared for him and am concerned because there was love, but now, what is there between us? Hubby's groaning came on and off continuing but I continuously ignored him.

Almost everyday, he would buy something for the baby, infant products, children products and books that kids like to read. Bags and bags of it stacked inside his room till it is full. I know he is trying to use this to reach out to me, but I am no longer moved by his actions. He has no choice but to lock himself in his room and I can hear his typing away on his computer keyboard, maybe he is now addicted to web surfing but none of that matters to me anymore. It was sometime towards the end of spring in the following year, one late night, I screamed because of a sudden stomach pain, hubby came rushing into the room, its like he did not change and sleep, and had been waiting for this moment. He carried me and ran down the stairs, stopped a car, holding my hand very tightly and kept wiping the sweat off my brow, throughout the journey to the hospital. Once we reached the hospital, he carried me and hurried into the delivery suite. Lying on the back of his skinny but warmth body, a thought crossed my mind: In my lifetime, who else would love me as much as he did?

He held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in; his warm eyes caused me to manage a smile at him despite my contraction pain. Coming out of the delivery room, hubby looked at our son and me, eyes tear with joy and he kept smiling. I reached out and touched his hand.. Hubby looked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto the floor.

I cried out for him in pain... He smiled, but without opening that tired eyes of his... I had thought that I would never shed any tear for him, but the truth is, I have never felt a deeper pain cutting through my body at that moment. Doctor said that by the time hubby discovered he had liver cancer, it was already in terminal stage and it was a miracle that he managed to last this long. I asked the doctor when he first discovered he had cancer. Doctor said about 5 months ago and consoled me
saying: "Prepare for his funeral."

I disregarded the nurse's objection and rushed home, I went into his room and checked his computer, and a suffocating pain hitsme. Hubby's cancer was discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, and I had thought that... the computer showed over 200 thousand words he wrote for our son:

"Son, just for you, I have persisted, to be able to take a look at you before I fall, is my biggest wish now... I know that in your life, you will have many happiness and maybe some setbacks, if only I can accompany you throughout that journey, how nice would it be. But daddy now no longer has that chance. Daddy has written inside here all the possible difficulties and problems you may encounter during your lifetime, when you meet with these problems, you can refer to daddy's suggestion....
Son, after writing these 200 thousand words, I feel as if I have accompanied you through life journey. To be honest, daddy is very happy. Do love your mother, she has suffered, she is the one who loves you most and also the one who loves me most..." From play school to primary school, to secondary, university, to work and even in dealing with questions of love, everything big and small was written there.

Hubby has also written a letter for me:
"My dear, to marry you is my biggest happiness, forgive me for the pain I have caused you, forgive me for not telling you my illness, because I want to see you be in a joyful mood waiting for the arrival of our baby...My dear, if you cried, it means that you have forgiven me and I would smile, thank you for loving me...These presents, I'm afraid I cannot give them to our son personally, could you help me to give some of them to him every year, the dates on what to give when are all written on the packaging... "

Going back to the hospital, hubby is still in coma. I brought our son over and place him beside him. I said: "Open your eyes and smile, I want our son to remember being in the warmth of your arms..." He struggled to open his eyes and managed a weak smile. Our son still in his arms was happily waving his tiny hands in the air. I press the button on the camera and the sound of the shutter rang through the air as tears slowly rolled down my face.... A fatal misunderstanding and the person who loves me the most in this world is gone forever..."Cruel misunderstandings one after another disrupted the blissful footsteps to our family. Our originals intend of having Mother enjoy some quiet and peaceful moments in her remaining years with us went terribly wrong as destiny's secret is finally revealed at a price, every thing became too late."........



This is a true story. LEARNING POINT - DO NOT EVER HOLD ON TO OFFENCES!!! I am totally speechless, this story brought tears to my eyes as I read through each line eager to know what would happen next. It truly showed the devastating power of grudges and anger! Simple humility and communication would have resolved most of the problems in that story, as well as patience.... This story has really touched my heart and life as a whole and it has stimulated a paradigm shift. Though it is very sad, it is also very refreshing to know that from today, I can consciously start to live a life free of grudge. People please let's live a life devoid of grudge. Communication is key . Take greatest care and live on.


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...