I Once Fall But Rise Up Again (Part 2)

Hi how are you all today?.. It's Friday and the Chinese New Year celebration is just around the corner. Wishing all to the Chinese celebrating Chinese New Year, Gong Xi Fa Cai. I'm sure most of you are in holiday mood especially those who celebrating will do some shopping for the festive season. Shopping for new Cheongsams, Mandarin Oranges, CNY decos and so on, am i right?.. :)

We are so lucky here in Malaysia with the diversity of races, there are a lot of public holiday and festivals to be celebrated in a year. I love Christmas Day not only because it's an obligation as a Christian, but because of the surroundings and family gatherings, Hari Raya Aidilfitri i love the food especially at Bazaar Ramadan, Chinese New Year with its Angpows, Mandarin Oranges and its traditional cakes. We are so blessed in Malaysia, right? :)

Well, to continue my story from the previous post. Most of friends were asking me, what happened actually?.. What's the cause?.. 

So, to clarify those questions. It was actually, i mean I can say that it's all in God's hand. God controls everything. I have come to the fact that, maybe this is a plan that God has granted us to remind us about something in life. To teach me and my husband about something in life that we haven't discover before. This was our 1st experience although i have experienced miscarriage in my 8 weeks of pregnancy in 2008. It was my first pregnancy. Which we named the baby, Andrea. 

Baby Gloria, which we named our beautiful princess was born sleeping last year. It was at my 25 weeks of pregnancy. 

We were just arrived in Ranau on Monday, 25 May 2015, after spending the weekend in KK. We had been doing a lot of travelling from Ranau to KK this time around because most of our things to settled are in KK. I was very tired with the travelling but I let my mouth shut. Because hubby was too busy with his work and at the same time he was too busy too to find a gas cylinder at that time. There was no shop selling gas cylinders unless you want to change with another empty one. To the fact that we just moved to Ranau, we have to get a new one. It was a hard time for us to find a gas cylinder, so we decided to find in KK instead.

And on Wednesday, 27 May 2015, as i woke up early in the morning, I felt empty. I did not feel the baby is moving. She just like stagnant there. I told hubby and he said maybe she's sleeping. But deep inside my heart, there is something wrong because i felt so empty as if i don't connected with this baby. I don't feel the bond anymore. Feels like i am not pregnant anymore.

On the next day, i still did not feel the baby kicking and i decided to go to clinic for an ultrasound scan. Unfortunately, hubby was not in nearby town, he went outstation far from our rental house. So, we went for ultrasound on the next day.

The doctor broke the sad news, there's no heartbeat. He repeated, there's no heartbeat anymore. I don't believe it at first. The doctor said, placenta is still intact and the baby looks find in the ultrasound scan but the heartbeat just stopped. I was like, my world has turn dark. Feels like my heart stop beating. I burst to tears the moment i went out from the doctor's room and i still remember hubby gave his shoulder to me to lean on, to cry on like a little girl.

As we back to our rental house, hubby packed things right away as he said let me stay in the car with Gabriel, and he'll do the packing. We decided to drive back to KK right away to meet my gynae, Dr Ramesh at JMC. I went out from the car and entered the house cause hubby is taking too long for packing, and for the first time ever i saw hubby stand still there and shed tears, i hugged him from behind and we cry together. :(

I delivered safely on 4th June 2015. She was so beautiful and cute. Gloria Isabel R. Makulim, so precious and yet God loves her more. You will be always remembered my dear baby Gloria. Mummy and Daddy will always remember you, love you and praying for you and your big sister, Andrea. Don't forget to pray for Mummy, Daddy and your brother Gabriel too okay. Please tell Lord Jesus to take care of us and may one fine day we will meet again. :)